SATIRE: Student praises Sodexo’s food

JORDAN REICH
Managing Editor

Here’s an unpopular opinion: Sodexo is great!

There are so many choices between Vic’s, Iberville and the Grill; who could ask for more? Why do we care that other universities have multiple dining halls that serve nutritious and decent food when ours is literally serving up saltiness to the students?

From the worker who clearly hates her job to the empty “Starbucks” coffee pot in Vic’s, I love an insulting crowd. It’s like that one restaurant where the servers are required to insult you and make you custom paper hats that slam your self esteem down a few pegs, but with shittier food!

Another benefit –– I didn’t gain the freshman 15; I actually lost it. The food worked like a charm! I once got food poisoning from a salad Sodexo employees left out all day, and then BAM! Weight loss miracle. Cosmo should def use Sodexo in their next advertised diet plan.

Sodexo food is also a perfect hangover cure. The brunch on the weekends in Iberville is so greasy, it’s bound to make you throw up and get the rest of that alcohol out of your system.

I’m not from Louisiana, so everyone saying the gumbo is watery must be crazy. Oscar Meyer as the sausage? Now THAT is a true college kid meal hack. And the spice level is the best; it’s like Russian roulette between hella spicy and no flavor at all, so it all tastes like rubber, which I hear is healthy for tastebuds.

Sodexo may have received an “F” rating, but it’s an “A+” in my book. *thumbs up emoji*

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