SATIRE: TV episode buffers

CRISPY AVOCADO
Reporter

After months of waiting, an episode of Bob’s Burgers finally loaded in University Columns.

Freshman Jared Parks said he was simply trying to avoid responsibilities during midterms like every other student when his Netflix app stopped and he received the dreaded buffering circle.

“I was desperate, so I decided to keep the episode up just in case hell froze over and the Wi-Fi decided to work,” Parks said. “All I wanted to do was channel my inner Bob Belcher like the episode where he hides in the wall.”

The Wi-Fi continued to cause problems for residents, prompting them to actually get assignments done, unless, of course, they had to submit them online. Students couldn’t even blow up the Concerns page on Facebook, complaining for the 1,000th time about the issue.

Parks said Wednesday at 4 a.m., literally the most inconvenient time for the Wi-Fi to start working again, the episode loaded.

“It felt like a sweet, sweet victory until it decided to buffer again after the intro sequence,” Parks said.

“In the words of Tina, ‘I guess I just wasn’t meant to have a good life.’”

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