SATIRE: Police Blotter

April 17

  • Complaint of Children -UP 1

– Child daycare found, children told to leave

  • Attempted Robbery – Vic’s

– Weapon was a spork

April 19

  • Theft of Refund Check -Financial Aid

– Student wanted to actually receive it on time

April 20

  • Complaint of Marijuana Smell – UP 1 & UP 2

– No marijuana found, residents smoked it all

April 21

  • Student bitten by squirrel – CAPA

– Squirrel issued citation

  • Complaint of Intercourse – WRAC

– Situation wrapped up

April 22

  • Complaint of Party – UP 2

– Officer stayed and had a good time

April 23

  • Complaint of pettiness – CAPA

– Ongoing

  • Wi-Fi emergency – University Columns

– Will never be resolved

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